what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
