Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
