so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
