i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize