Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
