I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Randomize
