so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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