Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
