Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
