sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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