i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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