so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
