She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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