do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
