worst night to have a conscience
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
