Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
