suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
