Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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