I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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