I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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