I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it was like eating out sand paper
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
