I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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