I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
