are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
