Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
