ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
