she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
