I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
