i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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