My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
