He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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