Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
