My first STD was from a foam party
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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