Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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