he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I want a musical about memes.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
