It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How external is "for external use only"?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
