I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
