He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
