Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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