i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
