I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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