New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
