i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
