she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
