Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
