I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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