Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize