i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
