She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
