I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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