Swine flu is the new snow day.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
