Cold hands, warm shart.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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