does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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