Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
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Man, jail baloney is awful.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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