All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
