Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
