went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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