we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
