i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
