I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
