update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
