you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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