My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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