Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just cropdusted the office
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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