Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
