I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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