You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
