I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
