Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize