I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
