i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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