Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
