You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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