im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
