Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize