absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
