I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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