belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
