If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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