some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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