Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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