DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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