put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
