If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
