If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
