I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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