I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
