I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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