Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
