yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
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he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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