did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
