hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
