just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
